unacceptable.

Dear 4:35 am,
despite your insistence, I am afraid we cannot, and will never, see eye to eye. While I understand that the small village of Greenwich recognizes your hour as legitimate, your abrupt and unsettling jarring of my dreams this "morning" (and countless others) calls into serious question the reason for your existence. Time and time (although really always the same time) again you have peeled back my eyelids only to stare into darkness; your screeching alarm has stopped my fragile heart and caused my lower back muscles to spasm into an upright, seated position of terror. As if these discomforts were not enough, my fine motor control suffers for hours past your rude awakening and I am unable to perform basic tasks at average human speed until the REM you have unjustly stolen is returned to my pudding-like brain at frowned upon times during the true day.
The list of grievances could go on, but I regret to say that you are not worth the time, nor considerable amount of effort that would be required to name them. I do not condone your childish behavior, nor your deplorable tactics. Rest assured that if you disturb my slumber again, the consequences will be severe and I will literally beat the living crap out of you.

Should you choose to reply to this message, kindly do so at a godly hour.

with red-eyed vengeance,
Me.