I dont need your hall pass

my quiet pension
was the terror of unspoken abandon.

It was immediate disconnect
avoided for dialtone upon dialtone
of one-sided solliloquy
as
if
it
were
important
to
suddenly
speak
lives
that
have
always
gone
unsaid

rebuilt walls of concrete
to protect this village heart
against your
non-verbal assails
(whether real or not)

that seemed to come from
nowhere but the essence
of nothing (in common) itself

grabbed skin for comfort
exchanged contact for connection
in hopes that your fattened fingers
could reassure me
that you are still a part
of my largest reality

pleas for assurance morphed to
requests for permission
like a seccond grade potty-dancer
with hall-pass-greedy eyes
mind reeling for relief!


But oh yeah.
I'm in college now.
We don't use hall passes here.
We do what we want when it is best
because maybe-- just maybe--
we actually kind of know.

I hope you can forgive me
for being such a dependent baby.

I don't need your hall pass,
I go when I want without all that
"precious may I"
nonsense

(but I always wash my hands--
because thats what you taught me

and I know the dangers of

c-o-n-t-a-m-i-n-a-t-i-o-n)