Why it doesn't ADD up:

It was nice of them to provide me with a scapegoat. A goat that would let me 'scape'; ride on its back to a rich pasture of understanding and freedom from responsibility. Once it was a disorder. Now it is a deficit. But before all that-- before I became wary of the double D cleavage of identity shrouding titles -- there was that one word to make it all worthwhile. The word that allowed me to procrastinate, receive a litany of praise for the smallest of tasks accomplished. ATTENTION!

No really. That’s it. That's the word.

ATTENTION: this girl is different. ATTENTION: this girl has magical powers.

Everyone loves attention. It's much better than obsessive or depressed. Attention is up there with acronyms and personalized key chains on the hierarchy of American favorites. When snarled from a French nose/mouth it sounds like a dragster racing past the Doppler effect. When belted in two syllables from a sergeant it warrants a sharp click of the heels and a snappy salute. On a road sign it makes you alert. Attention is every child's currency.

Unfortunately, somewhere between that memorable trip to the Rite-Aid pharmacy and this paper I am supposed to be writing, the exchange rate of Attention plummeted; back at the farm, the scapegoat of liberty has aimlessly wandered off and left a crater of confusion for the penniless, excuseless product of outward-appraisal to amend.

"Pay attention!"

"Sorry, I'm out. Do you take credit?"

So here I am, holding all the cards. The problem is, no one takes cards here. "Ca$h or checks, por favor." Don't speak much Spanglish, but it doesn't take a genius to realize the implication. Don’t use our coinage, don't speak our language-- sorry amiga, there's no place for you here in Spain, Mexico, or for that matter, any other country that operates under the legal tender system of "reality".

Checks then, is what it comes down to. Reality checks. Lot's of them.

Like I said, it was nice of them/you (docfamfriends) to give me that goat. If we were in Africa or some country where college educations are not the status quo and they would gladly accept a goat in exchange for my ability to function, this whole Attention and escape thing would be a dandy peach. But that damn goat bucked me off one day in between pills and no pills, and now I'm stuck walking like everyone else. Only no one ever taught me how--

(so its more like a crawl)